... The goddesses of the past are all getting old now. They are all about 40 years old. Chen Jon is one of them. However, when 41 year old Liu Tao, as the mother of two children, settled in the latest issue of dear Inn and became the owners mother of such a powerful and large Inn, 40 year old Chen Jon was busy in love with his daughters.
Chen Jon really wants to be in love. She once said: I participated in this program just to meet the male guests, otherwise, was it to earn the announcement fee? However, such serious people want to fall in love, in the program, the male guests even directly black face.
Although, in a separate interview later, Chen said he was sorry and felt very impolite.
However, the displeasure at that time was true.
Many people have a lot of interpretations of Chens black face: for example, Chens father said, you must take into account the nature of Chens work, which will be photographed by reporters; for example, netizens will say, three days on a date to visit a class, which is not familiar to this extent; for example, Papi sauce will say, it feels that boys are a little worried. And, in my opinion, all of this points to a deeper direction: the boundary. Behind Chens black face is an expression of my boundary, please dont infringe.
What is the boundary? Boundary, as the name suggests, is the boundary. Within the boundary, is my space, my space, inviolable. For example, the body is our boundary, our body and others cant infringe; for example, the family is a boundary, other people may not infringe at will except family members; work responsibility is my boundary, my work, others had better not point out. These are external boundaries. The external boundary is easy to understand, while the psychological boundary is relatively difficult. The psychological boundary is the space that belongs to us psychologically. Within the boundaries, its the self. For Chen Jon:
Since we have made an appointment to meet tomorrow, you rush to come here today. In terms of time, you have violated my time limit. Because, originally, today is my own time. Your arrival may disturb my plan;
I am working. This is my working space. You broke in and violated my space boundary.
You suddenly appear in my rest room, disturbing my rest time and space, but also violated my boundaries.
Of course, we have different boundaries for different people. The closer people are, the closer they will be to themselves. Like Chen Jon, for a person who has only known her for three days, she rushed to visit her shift and disturbed her rest time. From her reaction, she has violated her boundaries. Its a very bad feeling to be broken through. Chen Jon is obviously a man who cares about boundaries very much. Thats why Chen knew his black face was impolite, but he couldnt help it.
So here comes the question: Why are some people sensitive to boundaries, just like Joe Chen, and some people insensitive to boundaries?
The reason is: sensitive people are more concerned about their feelings;
People who are not sensitive are more likely to care about other peoples feelings.
For example, in the case of Chen Jon, if a person cares more about other peoples feelings, he may consider:
If Im not happy, the other side will be embarrassed. Then, at this time, our choice is likely to subconsciously suppress our real feelings and take care of each others emotions.
For example, the outside world will think that when a woman is 40 years old and still unmarried, she looks very pitiful. Chen Jon once said that when others mentioned her, they would often say how about 40 year old Chen Jon... However, in fact, Chen Jon, 40, has nothing but a wife: a house, a career and a beauty. My mother once said that I was worried that when Chen Jon was old, he would become a lonely old man.
In response, Chen said, no, I will only become a rich and lonely old man.
Worse than 40, no marriage, it could be 40, trapped in a desperate marriage.
But mainstream values may not see it that way. Mainstream values tell us that we should do what we need to do at what age. When a woman is old, she should be married. Therefore, in order to meet the mainstream social values, many people not only get married in a hurry, but also, even if they are in a low-quality marriage, they will not divorce. Its because: marriage is normal; and it seems that older people are still single or divorced not so normal.
And why do many people not choose according to their true wishes in order to pursue the so-called normal?
Psychologically, this is probably the result of virtual narcissism.
People who are narcissistic pay special attention to the voice of the outside world. For example, the external evaluation: money, status, value, excellence, etc., which is called face. When the external evaluation of us is positive, we will have a burst of self-confidence, think that we are very good, and feel high; when the external evaluation of us is negative, we will feel very weak, as if we are useless. Therefore, for those who are narcissistic, the voice of the outside world is very important. At this time, we dare not express ourselves easily and arbitrarily. The opposite of virtual narcissism is physical narcissism. Compared with virtual body narcissism, physical narcissism is more real: they no longer pay attention to the virtual head and brain of the outside world, but turn their attention to the self of some more real things, produce a Im very good feeling, and their value will not change frequently with the evaluation of the outside world. Self value is higher and more stable.
Compared with the virtual narcissists, the physical narcissists can express themselves more firmly, make yourself comfortable is more important than anything else. Therefore, we can understand: Although we know that the external voice brings us a lot of pressure, but why it brings different pressure to different people. Even, some people can not be disturbed by the outside world.
Like Chen Jon, being able to express his feelings and dare to black face is a typical expression of caring more about his feelings, and also a manifestation of entity narcissism. And, although living in the same mainstream value orientation world as us, Chen doesnt care about the outside voice and can stick to what he wants. However, at the age of 40, I still havent lowered my requirements. Im not only ready to be alone, but also yearning for good feelings and family life. Its also an expression of entity narcissism. So its not hard to understand why 40 year old Chen is still single.
Its not difficult to understand why Chen qiaoen is so eager for intimacy, but still say black face is black face in the face of boys with good feelings. A person who values her feelings must also look more at her boundaries. This is the reason why she is still single, and probably the reason why she finds a high-quality relationship. Finally, I wish you all the best. Those who live clearly deserve to be blessed.