Xiong Ling: Unmarried Marriage - Emotional Counseling

 Xiong Ling: Unmarried Marriage - Emotional Counseling

So I struggle, what am I going to do? (Ive never agreed to marry because Im not optimistic about our union, so Im not married now, and I dont have any property concerns. Normally, we are AA system. Of course, when he doesnt have money, I spend money from his family.)

Ask experts to give me guidance, thank you!

What do you want to say in parentheses is doubtful: although you are unmarried, you are actually a mother of one family. You have not been optimistic about your union and consented to marry, but why have two children with him? Now that you have children with him, although you havent pulled the marriage certificate, you have already lived a real marriage life. So do you want to express: if you want to break up, you have neither property tangle nor trouble to change the marriage certificate into the divorce certificate?

Maybe you didnt agree to get married is a way out for you to break up in the future, but it doesnt matter. Your present entanglement has little to do with whether you are married or not, strictly speaking, whether you have a marriage certificate or not.

For your present entanglement, I can only raise some questions that you need to clear up. Your union is doubtful (or discontented) from the beginning. The fact that he has more discontent with you after marriage makes you have the determination to break up many times. But what shakes your determination is I still love him. Then, you can see that you love him more than you are dissatisfied with him. Here, you need to ask yourself: Why on earth did you enter a unmarried marriage? What do you satisfy in marriage, what do you want in marriage, what can you get? If he stops gambling, can you accept some differences between you? For example, if you are ambitious and enterprising, he is realistic and not pursuing high goals.

In the tangle of whether to break up, you need to think clearly: you still love him, what do you love him? Can your love for him tolerate your dissatisfaction with him? Can his strengths make you love him better than his weaknesses? Whats more, is his gambling characteristic of himself, or is it related to your relationship, or to you?

For example, in your relationship, if you are always in the right and strong position, he may be (or in your opinion, he is lazy, not enterprising) accused of being in the weak position required, then the weak side will gradually become weaker, will unconsciously create many bad habits, in fact, it is a kind of unconscious resistance to the strong, a kind of escape. The unconscious evasion of the strongs censure. Of course, once a bad problem comes into being, for example, once gambling lasts, there will be psychological dependence and it is difficult to control. But if this is related to his own characteristics, then, based on you still love him, do you love him enough to make you believe that you can change him? Or does your love for him include all that you love him, not necessarily change him?

If his gambling is related to your relationship, you need to adjust your relationship, which needs to start with you: stop accusing him of disrelishing him and not striving for progress, give him some recognition and support; about changing gambling, he himself wants to change, which requires you to give help and cooperation posture, give him confidence that he will no longer gamble, when a family has tenderness and attraction, The man who always flees may want to go home. If you have done well enough to accept him and cooperate with him, and he still has bad habits and gambling as usual, would you still like to be with him? What are you doing with him?