How to reconcile the adult and child sides of a person?

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 How to reconcile the adult and child sides of a person?


Peoples Daily reads and writes at night. The so-called maturity begins with learning to be gentle.

Growing up seems to be a simple problem, but psychologically, things become much more complicated - having an independent personality, an independent mind, being responsible for oneself and others. In todays society, many adults live like children. They want to enjoy freedom and casualness in their youth forever, so as to avoid shouldering responsibilities in their work or interpersonal relationships. Why is that?

Pictures come from the Internet. Would you like to grow up? Lets do a little test of psychological maturity first.

(Because this test mainly reflects the thoughts of the subjects, it is impossible to measure the behavioral and emotional reactions of the subjects in the actual situation. The results of the test are only for reference.)

Mental Maturity Test

The following tests are used to test the psychological maturity of 30-year-olds. Choose one of the three options after the sentence that best suits your ideas and practices.

I hope to be such a lucky person.

A. disagreement (10 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (0 points)

Generally speaking, people have different ideas, which is a normal phenomenon.

A. disagreement (0 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (10 points)

In the important aspects of work and life, I hope my parents can make decisions for me.

A. disagreement (10 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (0 points)

If a law fails to protect the legitimate rights of human beings, people should make efforts to correct it.

Im often in the grip of bad moods and not in the mood to do anything.

A. disagreement (10 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (0 points)

Efforts are not necessarily successful, but efforts should be made.

A. disagreement (0 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (10 points)

A. disagreement (10 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (0 points)

The correctness of authoritative opinions is also limited, and no one has grasped the absolute truth.

A. disagreement (0 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (10 points)

Others have different life experiences from ours, so their likes and dislikes are often different from ours.

A. disagreement (0 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (10 points)

There are not many omnipotent people like me in the world.

A. disagreement (10 points) B. uncertainty (5 points) C. agreement (0 points)

When the total score of the test exceeds 80 points, it shows that you have reached the psychological maturity of 30 years old.

A kind of

It is often said that a mature person does not think that there are so many key choices in the world, but believes in continuous efforts and constant adjustment. Mature people will have the courage to bear the consequences of making important choices in life.

If adults are a kind of social construction and maturity is a kind of psychological attribute, then what kind of psychological maturity can match the social role that an adult should really assume? How should a mature adult face the limitations and challenges of the real world? Or shall we take another step backwards? Do we really have to be mature? Isnt it good to be childlike? Is it possible to reconcile the adult and child sides of a person? If so, how to reconcile?

Pictures come from how Internet 01 copes with love, career and family. We know that owning love, career and family is the basic social attribute of human beings. Adults mean taking on this responsibility and playing these social roles. Then, a mature person may do a better job than a person who is only forced to take on social roles. We see many adults, under the pressure of culture and environment, reluctantly playing a social role that they are not good at. As a counselor, I will encounter many such cases in my counseling work. Some men, instead of going out to face the reality and complex relationship of survival, hide at home, live aimlessly, or imagine miracles will happen. Even within the family, they can not assume the role of husband and father, can not communicate, and are reluctant to communicate. Such a man, it seems, has encountered setbacks at every stage of the development of independence, and is not yet an independent and complete person. I have also met some women who have difficulty in establishing emotional bonds with their children and staying in a self-enclosed world. Having love, career and family is a requirement for adults. For those willing to undertake them, love, career and family are gifts and challenges. For those who cannot bear them, they are burdens that cannot be borne in their lives. When a mature person is confronted with a society that continues to frustrate his independent development, he will certainly ask a Hamlet-like question: to be or not to be? Sometimes, keeping away from the noise and being independent of the world is a proper guardian of maturity. Therefore, whether a person chooses to join the WTO in obedience and obedience or out of brave action and responsibility is still a big difference. The latter is out of maturity, the former may not be. There is also a difference between a person born out of fear and escape, or because of dignity and independence. The latter is due to maturity, the former may not be. If you choose to be a monk, whether you want to escape from life, or because you want to gain independence and dignity, the original intention is different, then the results are also different, of course, the reflected personality maturity is also different. Therefore, people who do not tell the world must be mature, or even more immature, and those who join the WTO must be immature or more mature. It depends on the stage of human development. Whether he was born or joined the WTO, whether he can do well or not, mature personality is certainly more helpful.

Pictures from the Internet

02 How to Face Choices

So how does a mature person face choices?

The maturity of personality means acknowledging that the world is imperfect and changeable. Mature people will abandon the belief that people should make choices once and for all, and then ensure success.

A mature person, first of all, will not think that there are so many key choices in the world, once chosen, everything can be guaranteed. He believed more in sustained efforts and adjustments. He has the courage to bear the consequences of the more important choices in his life.

Because he does not think that life must be successful, must reach the peak, but that people should make full efforts, and then give the results to fate. So for the consequences of the choice, for better or worse, he admits that it is possible. Therefore, in this mentality, he is not easily entangled by the difficulties of choice.

People make different choices at different stages of development. Minor children make choices according to the opinions of adults and believe in authority. When they are not deeply involved in the world, we can say that this way is reasonable. As they get older, for example, when they reach puberty, they may become self-indulgent. They may rebel against authority and the opinions of their elders, or even make choices based on the opinions of the authority. This choice is essentially influenced by authority, as compared with the way in which authority was more obedient in childhood.

In fact, it is also predictable to do the opposite, but this kind of rebellion is also an attempt to gain independence, it is a stage of development. After this stage, people will become more independent and more able to communicate with others. At this time, the choice he makes is an independent choice. Instead of submitting to or confronting the opinions of authority, he made his choice according to the actual situation and his judgment. However, the stage of rebellion in the middle can not be crossed and erased. Therefore, if in a culture, only cultivate peoples obedience, and suppress a persons suspicion of authority, do not recognize the rebellion of people, then it is likely that people have not experienced this stage of rebellion in adulthood, let alone developed an integrated independent judgment and determination.

Pictures from the Internet

03 Integration of Adult Side and Child Side

How do adults reconcile their adults and children? Psychologist Winnicott once said that the childish side of personality, or the id side, contains rich creativity. He thinks that mature people mean realistic and rational, but if the childish side of our personality is erased, we will become dull, lack creativity, and will not get along with children.

If we observe life carefully, we will agree with Winnicott. You will find that those who are creative in academic, commercial or artistic fields are more or less childish, even less mature than the average of their peers. But you can also find that this is more immature, perhaps superficial, and you can see that they are more courageous, more persistent and more insightful than their peers, in which they are more mature than their peers. Therefore, Winnicott believes that mature personality should combine these two aspects of human nature.

Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, also observes the most creative people. He concluded that in those with mental health, the opposite of personality disappeared. Separation from others or integration with others, selfishness or selflessness, acceptance or resistance, seriousness or casualness, these seem to be the opposite sides of personality, but they are integrated in them. These people are the most socialized and at the same time the most personal; they are the most mature, and at the same time they do not lose the naivety of their children. So in a nutshell, an adult with mental health should combine his adult side with his childs side and promote each other.

In addition, Winnicott mentioned that if an adult completely erases childishness, he does not know how to get along with his children, which is another obstacle for them to assume parental responsibilities. The childs side of personality, in a normal person, will also promote his self-maturity. Lack of this aspect, on the contrary, may cause peoples development to stagnate. Man assumes his social role in society, not become a social machine. Machines operate according to pre-set procedures and rules. Machines do not know what is the interests of individuals, others and groups.