Look at the generation of grandparents, hand in hand through life, after years of precipitation left full of affection.
Two people were walking with each other. Grandma gently dusted Grandpas clothes and looked at them to make people feel happy.
Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu live side by side for a lifetime. Lu Xun and Xu Guangping have worked together for ten years. In the communication between Wang Xiaobo and Li Yinhe, every first article Hello, Li Yinhe tells the love of that generation.
Weve heard a lot of stories like this, but we havent seen much in reality.
Everyone has his own misfortune, and there are few love that will not die because of the passing of time and the disappearance of his face.
Looking at it, how many friends around you can be considered happy? Who hasnt complained about life after a tired day and counted his pain in the middle of the night? So, do you want to ask if there are happy people in the world?
I want to tell you my story:
I was born in a farmer-worker family. My father was a worker, my mother made money by making tofu, and a 11-year-old brother.
After high school, my brother is older, my parents are busier, and my grandmothers legs and feet are getting worse and worse. I go to the county high school to study, and it is difficult to accompany my grandmother again.
In my memory, my parents never beat me or scolded me. At the same time, they didnt care about me.
When I was in elementary school, I watched other children with their parents around me, and I could only rely on my grandmother, which was very inferior.
There are many other children and friends, and they will go to the village together as soon as school is over. But I dont have any friends. They always laugh at me as an unwanted child.
I have no friends all the time. The feeling of incompatibility has lasted till now. I always dont know where I should be in the busy crowd. Over the years, I seem to be living well and have my own career, but in fact I am sensitive and fragile.
I also want to have friends, very want to be seen, but very afraid of being seen, so as long as someone wants to be psychologically close to me, my instinctive response is to escape.
So is my love. When I was a sophomore in senior high school, I began to like a boy, but I never expressed it. I always associate with him as a friend. Until I went to college, I quietly enrolled in the same school as him. On the campus, I knew that he was next door but dared not approach. Later, I summoned up the courage to say that no matter how big it was, I would die of old age, and let my classmates express themselves for me. It turned out to be rejected. Fortunately, we continued to associate as friends. About half a year later, I remember that it was probably the New Year when he called me and asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I was surprised and agreed without asking the reason. In fact, we are not happy with each other. Sometimes I get angry. I always agree with him when he asks me. I seldom refuse him. But when I want him to accompany me, he always plays games. I dont know why I like him, but I just want to be inseparable and inseparable. Maybe it lasted until graduation. After graduation, he worked as a network manager in the Internet cafe. I entered the steel company. Later, both parents met and said they wanted to get engaged. Half pushed, half pushed, half done. Everyone around him said that his family gifts were not enough. I didnt feel much at first. I talked a lot and my heart was unbalanced. In fact, these imbalances arise from uncertainty about whether he loves me or not. After the engagement, we met less often. I went to work in the field, came home at intervals, and quarreled with him when I came home. To use a word to describe the feeling at that time is exhausted heart and soul.
One day I found him chatting with a girl and looking at the interactive words, I felt like a new person. He was no longer indifferent, no longer arguing about trifles, and the sweet feeling never felt in me. Later, he broke up with me. I only felt that my heart was cold and cold. When I was a child, the feeling of helplessness that my parents threw at my grandmothers house enclosed me again. I didnt cry, I didnt quarrel, and I gave him all the money for the gifts and jewelry. For so many years, I gave him all his youth, but in return for a never loved.
After breaking up, my whole state of being collapsed, like being hollowed out, think about myself, when I was a child, what I wanted most was a hug from my parents, a greeting.
When I grow up, I want friends and I want to love someone well. But I never got what I wanted. I worked hard to take care of my parents-in-law and housework, but I couldnt change my love. How ridiculous.
In those days, I had to drink every night to fall asleep. When I finished drinking, I lay on the floor and cried freely. When I woke up, I washed my face and went to work. None of my colleagues knows how I get through it every night. They praise me for being strong.
So after more than a month, Grandma came to see me from her hometown. The moment I saw Grandma, all my disguises were smashed.
I know I cant go on like this anymore, just for my old grandmother who cant walk any more.
After being introduced, I began to look for a counselor.
At that time, it was severe depression with moderate anxiety.
In the days of consulting room, I often cried. The consultant played the role of parents to make up for so much helplessness and hatred.
I began to realize that intangibly, I had been copying the past patterns, and I had been influenced by these indifferences and unwillingness to love others.
When I was a child, I was left out by my parents. When I grew up, I was abandoned by my boyfriend. I plunged myself into the feeling of not being loved again and again.
In fact, I love my parents, but I suppress love, let myself hate them, away from them.
This is what psychology teaches me. Before I came into contact with psychology, I thought psychology was mysterious and could let us know what men were thinking.
After learning, I found that in the subtle influence, I got more than expected. I love myself more. I have more power.
Even though there will be ups and downs, I know I can still shine brightly and love to be loved. I believe you can too.