Always try to find out if the other party still loves him, but is afraid of losing him. Every day, he lives in fear of losing her by wearing a mask.
In life, you will always encounter all kinds of Mrs. Machel who is anxious and full of self-confidence.
Psychologist Maslow has shown that security is one of the most basic psychological needs of human beings. Especially for women, whether they feel safe or not will directly affect their living conditions.
Safety is a confusing word. Girls often feel that the other side does not attach enough importance to themselves and say there is no sense of security with you, while boys often feel that girls make unreasonable noises and say very tired with you.
Couple problems caused by insecurity account for a large proportion of contradictions.
Actually, not only in love, but also in intimate relationships such as family and friendship, there will be a sense of security. So what do insecure people think?
@ Fantastic Womans Ideal: Friends often say that every time I fall in love, I fall head over heels and have no self at all. In fact, I also know that I often stick to him, want to know his every move, sometimes without him I would be very anxious...
@ A shot of BIU you: there is no way to express love, to anyone (including parents, lover) can not speak out, and even lover hand in hand kiss I feel numb.
@ Super_779: I dont know why, in a relationship, sometimes I feel that two people are too close, and then I want to escape. But I know Im longing for an intimate relationship.
Many of our desires and dependencies on relationships are due to our own insecurity.
People who lack security are prone to gain and loss in intimate relationships. If they leave, they are insecure to their partners, family members and friends. They are like walking a tightrope, afraid of falling at any time.
Why do some people have a high sense of security, while others have a high risk of gains and losses? It would be superficial to explain it with affectation and sensationalism. The deeper reason can be found from the attachment type of each person.
There are four styles of intimacy. Psychologists divide it into four types of attachment: safe attachment, fear attachment, obsession attachment and rejection attachment. The latter three types are insecure attachment.
Safe attachment people have strong interpersonal adaptability, while insecure attachment people are susceptible to getting along with others. The disorder of attachment leads to lack of security.
Note: In the report of Safety Index Assessment, there are two dimensions: intimacy and anxiety, which can be used to judge the type of attachment.
(1) Safe Attachment: Emotional Dependence and Personal Independence
27.6% of the people are secure attachment (high intimacy, low anxiety). They are comfortable with people, willing to be close to people, not afraid that others will leave at any time, not too dependent on others and lose themselves. They are the most adaptable and stable group of people.
(2) Fear attachment: the entanglement who fears intimacy and desires intimacy
Among the three types of insecure attachment: fear type, obsession type and avoidance type, fear type was the most, reaching 44.8%.
People who are fearful of attachment (low intimacy, high anxiety) often get stuck in their own situations.
They are hesitant, eager for intimacy and afraid of being hurt by it. Their hearts are full of drama, their minds often appear abandoned scenes, will also suppress and hide their feelings.
(3) obsessive attachment: moths fight against fire, love to lose themselves
The attachment type of 22.1% of the people is clingy obsession (high intimacy, high anxiety). They are as good as each other, but sometimes they rely too much on each other and have confused borders with each other.
When they find out that the other person hasnt paid enough in the relationship, they often get caught up in worries and anxieties. Like the Zixia Fairy in The Journey to the West, she knows it is impossible to be together, but she still loves without hesitation.
(4) Refusal attachment: the most numb word in the world - I love you
5.6% of them are rejective attachment. They are the lone Rangers in life, advocating independence and despising the people who depend on others most. For example, when I see the lover in front of me, they have goose bumps falling down early, and I dont understand why people are so close.
Refusal-oriented people tend to avoid intimate relationships such as family and love. Like Andy in Ode to Joy, they keep the greatest distance from others in pursuit of independence.
In love, the most secure thing is independence.
At the end of The Great Mrs. Machel, Mrs. Machel rose to fame in the talk show world, found her place, and became a new independent and glorious woman. It tells us a simple and profound truth: womens sense of security can not rely on the other half.
When Fan Shengmei finally decided to rely on herself and stop complaining and attaching herself to men, this was her most dazzling moment.
In fact, many of the sources of problems are related to the lack of security, such as: some people are very afraid of losing, and unable to grasp what they have; some people are calm in the face of emergencies, eager for someone to rely on. So how to give yourself a sense of security?
Through this evaluation, you will understand your own security index, what specific factors are affecting your security, and analyze the psychological needs of the subconscious, according to your personal situation, give the corresponding methods to enhance security, help you better face the problems in life.