There are no big storms, no big joys and sorrows. This time, the Dialogue in the Space makes people exclaim that they have been married for more than ten years.
After giving birth, Tao Hong shifted his focus from career to family, while Xu E struggled hard in the front line of film and television. A film Im not a Pharmacist earned him both fame and wealth, and won the Golden Horse Film Emperor in one fell swoop.
Many small partners are confused: They are not the most dazzling couple, nor the most vigorous couple together. What makes them so envious after more than ten years of marriage operation?
I think the answer may be as Tao Hong himself said: to retain a person, it is absolutely not to look at each other as dead, but to live a good life.
1. Marriage is not a fetter, but a desire to control it.
In 2003, Tao Hong was at the peak of his career. At that time, Tao Hongs enthusiasm was no worse than Xu Es. It was at such a time that she married Xu E without hesitation and gradually withdrew from the publics view.
Xu Ming, who has a high EQ, is also very clear about Tao Hongs sacrifice for himself. He once said in a program, I can go to this day, its her Wangfu, its her who made me, and Im grateful to her!
Tao Hong did not give up her career and vision completely. When Tao Hong went to Xus exploratory class to shoot Tai Yuan, she would still give some technical guidance to the effect of the film. Xu was very clear that Tao Hong knew how to shoot better. Even after these years, this strength remained unchanged.
She never interfered with Xus ideas, but she knew how to make them more acceptable to the audience.
After entering marriage, especially after having children, many girls choose to quit their long-struggled jobs and take care of their children at home. However, they tend to be comfortable and make their working ability and thinking degenerate rapidly. Only at a certain moment can they find that they can not be appreciated and recognized by the other side. Its too late at that time...
When our abilities begin to deteriorate, we will have a sense of crisis and insecurity in our hearts, and we will begin to alleviate our inner anxiety by controlling the other side.
For example, checking each others mobile phones, restricting each others participation in social activities, always suspecting each others private housing money, complaining about life, etc., lead to more and more couples can not appreciate and recognize each other, more and more minds hidden, the distance between their hearts and hearts, the farther.
2. Only by persevering in planning can we live up to ourselves! ____________
A friend of mine called Xiao Liu, who shared her life plan with me, was shocked after I saw it. She got up from morning till night, and slept with the mask. She was very busy. Although she hadnt worked in almost two years, she was not relaxed every day.
But when she and I had morning tea, she was still very happy. She said, From the day I knew I was pregnant, I had realized the crisis. Although I could quit my job and wash my hands and make soup for him, he was very kind to me, but that was because he loved me very much at that time. But if I lose my attraction, its hard to say anything.
I asked her curiously, Because of this sense of crisis, you have been holding on for so long?
She laughed and said, Its never dangerous to insist on, but expectation. Im looking forward to two years later when someone will ask me in surprise:How did you do that? Like you, haha, I believe my husband thinks so every day, so he has been looking at me for so many years.
I shook the soybean milk in my hand and took a sip. The soybean milk with sugar was delicious.
Only those who live well can take care of othersfeelings and give love and support to others. This is unchanged in marriage.
3. Keep competitive forever, and marriage will be stronger!
Smart girls know how to make use of their external advantages to make themselves more competitive when they are young and have more guardians. There are also many Bole who can help them in their career.
However, with the growth of age, many girls neglect the improvement of inner and self-cultivation, and their competitiveness begins to decline when their appearance and stature are gradually difficult to maintain.
I can always hear mature women in their early 30s complaining to me in the workplace: Hey! Older, younger than younger, accept your fate.
But really mature and charming girls, never have such complaints, because they are 20 years old with face value, 25 years old with relationship, 30 years old with ability, 40 years old with resources, at every stage, they maintain a strong competitiveness, whether in career or family, such girls, men dare not neglect for a moment.
Just like Tao Hongs example, how many girls have been married for a long time and can give advice to their husbandswork?
If you want the other party to respect and cherish you, you must first let others recognize you.
4. Refuse laziness and improve subjective initiative.
We often say, I understand the truth, but I cant do it, which is a typical manifestation of low subjective initiative.
The so-called subjective initiative means not to set limits on oneself and turn impossibility into possibility.
Girls who can lead a good life are not low in subjective initiative, and they are often full of vitality and change.
For example, some girls, after getting married, still maintain a beautiful appearance and rich life. Their attention is not only focused on housework and their husbands, but also on social hotspots.
To be a highly motivated person, we need to do the following:
1) Maintain good sociality.
That is to say, they are good at communicating with people, have stable social network, change different interests and hobbies, contact different types of people, and do not let themselves stay in the narrow comfort zone for a long time.
For example, join the photography hobby group, and regularly shoot outdoors with friends or partners. It can not only expand the social circle, but also enrich life.
2) Improve the freedom of thinking.
For example, if a game has only one way to play, only one set of costumes and only one weapon, I believe we will soon get tired of it.
The same is true of thinking. If we never try new modes of thinking and behavior, always look at problems with our own eyes, and only deal with problems in our own way, it will be easy to enter the dead end of thinking.
Its like we never read fashion magazines, nor the clothes of passers-by. We only wear the clothes we want to wear. Then one year later, we will certainly dress the same as before.
3) Keep an empty cup mentality.
People who can keep an empty cup mentality can better adapt to and accept the things around them, and are curious about new things and willing to try.
I often see my neighborhood square dancing moms brushing tremors to learn new dance songs, uncles selling pancakes and fruits designing takeaway shop avatars, and so on.
Many people will feel that life is stable and everything outside is static, so when life is stable, they just want to live yesterdays life every day.
But in fact, the social changes are very fast. Maybe everyone liked to drink milk tea a month ago, and maybe everyone will drink coffee next month.
If we are always content with the status quo, we will soon be left behind by the society. Naturally, our charm will decline sharply.
Only by keeping an empty cup mentality and embracing change can we weed through the old and bring forth the new.
People who live well in marriage are full of positive energy, like a small sun, shining on the people around them, and making themselves valuable. They know that marriage can become what they want only if they live as they want to be.
Authors motto: Wipe your eyes is your torch; Strengthen yourself is your armor; Resolve to change is your spear.
Author | Li Yang holds the National Professional Qualification Certificate of Psychological Counselor, Marriage and Family Counselor and Senior Counselor of Huazhen.