To exaggerate a little, the teachers words are just like the imperial edict. Children not only listen carefully, but also do it by themselves. They dare not neglect it at all.
By contrast, the same children, their parents say like air, most of the time left ear into the right ear out.
So why is it that for the purpose of making children obedient, the effect of teachers and parents is always different from each other? Sweet sister summed up three words: connection, empathy and guidance. Is it abstract at first? Dont panic, lets take some examples to explain.
Channel access to children
In my class, there is a little girl named Xixi. This child belongs to the quiet type. She often speaks in class and is only occasionally close to her teacher.
One day after school, Xixi suddenly began to be short-tempered. She refused to go home even when she stayed in the garden. Her grandfather came to pick her up and stayed at the doorway of the classroom.
At first, Grandpa coaxed her to go home with patience: Be obedient, lets go home and eat delicious food, Honey, Grandpa will buy you Barbie dolls...
Despite Grandpas promises of attractive rewards, Xixi remained unmoved, grabbing the railing at the door of the classroom and crying.
After a long standstill, the grandfather was impatient, too. He planned to carry the child home directly by means of violence. But the child was also stubborn, twisting and twisting, and almost fell off his shoulder.
Seeing this, I rushed forward to soothe Grandpas mood, and then took the child in my arms. The child hugged my neck and cried. I touched her head and asked Grandpa to wait.
I sat with my child on the other side, then asked her gently why she didnt want to go home and tried to enlighten her.
After a while, Xixis mood was apparently stabilized. After explaining the cause of the childrens crying with my grandfather, I let them go home hand in hand.
Before leaving, Grandpa thanked me all the time and said, Still just listen to the teacher, my words dont work.
In fact, this is not the case. I just tried to connect with Xixi through my way in the process of comforting her.u2014u2014
First is the connection in posture. When I held Xixi, I smiled and looked at her flat, and her eyes were always at the same level. After she gradually stopped crying, it was the connection of her body, such as touching her and hugging her, so that she could feel my concern. Many parents are accustomed to questioning their children at the beginning. Once this initial attitude is wrong, it is difficult to remedy it later.
It is because of such a sense of intimacy, let the child slowly put down their emotions and alert, and told me the reason why they did not want to leave kindergarten, and then use the tone of voice that the child can accept to communicate with her, she will naturally listen to a lot of words.
Connectivity, in other words, is to put aside the attitude of adults, change into concerned eyes, and close the distance between you and your children by hugging, touching and touching. With this connection, the child will naturally be able to hear your voice.
In fact, many parents understand this truth, but they can not always do it, for example, they have trouble at work, and then see the childs temper, the last bit of patience will disappear. Teachers can be distracted by other emotions as well, but teachers have a responsibility to consistently connect with their children.
What about children crying
I feel like Im hallucinating. I can hear crying anytime, anywhere.
When I came into their class, it was a real cry. The new pupils were all very excited. They were sobbing, crying, and making people look at each other strangely distressed.
But on second thought, its not enough to be distressed. I have to control the situation quickly. As a past person, I started to give advice to my colleagues.
After a tour, I quickly found the little boy who was crying the loudest, then walked over and sat beside him. Suddenly, I started to cry like he did. It was louder than he did. It was louder than he did. I miss my mother, too. I want to go home.
In this way, I succeeded in attracting his attention. The little boy looked at me sobbing, and I continued to pretend to cry, I miss my mother and my father too, but I want to be strong, because I am a little man.
Hearing this, the child magically stopped crying, and touched my hand with his little hand, like a silent comfort to the sympathetic person.
In fact, this is the so-called empathy effect. When a little boy feels that I share the same thoughts and emotions with him, he will inevitably have the resonance of the same person who has fallen into the world, which will make him more receptive to me and listen to what I say.
Adults call children disobedient, which means that children do not act according to their own requirements, or lose control of their children. But the childrens world is totally different from ours, because todays toy robbery is no longer a good friend, but because tomorrows wearing the same pair of shoes happy to circle.
Parents need to learn to resonate with their children, so they should do it in time:
Its time for dinner. When the child is playing with toys and doesnt listen to your cry, you try to participate in his game first. When youre not happy, hug your stomach and say youre hungry.
If a child is bothered to eat candy, if he cant buy it, you try to sprinkle it with him and say that your parents didnt buy you candy when you were young.
If your child doesnt want to go to kindergarten, you try to tell him that you dont want to go to work, but you have to be sad.
This kind of empathic communication, to put it plainly, is to let parents become children, and through the transformation of identity to achieve barrier-free communication. After all, children are more likely to listen to their peers.
Two Kinds of School and Home
Children need guidance
There is a child named Tiantian in our class. He usually performs well in the garden and is very capable. He is often the first one to raise his hand to help the teacher. He always helps other children carry things and chairs. Everyone likes him very much.
After listening, I was surprised and told his parents all about his performance in kindergarten every day. Thats strange. Its a child. How can there be such a big difference between before and after?
Later, after a deep exchange with his parents, I found the reason. The key to this difference lies in two words: guidance, and clear and rewarding guidance.
The little Safflower in the kindergarten, praised by the teacher, has become a small example for all the children in the class, guiding each child to listen to the teachers words.
For example, every day to help the teacher organize the classroom, the teacher will praise him in front of all the children, every day to read a book, the teacher will be on the blackboard to paste a small sun to show reward.
Big aspect: If you make progress in the exam, Ill buy you a game console. As a result, No.
Over the years, he will not believe what you say or what you want to guide the child.
When a child does not obey, as a teacher, I do not agree with the parents saying, If you do not obey, I will tell your teacher, see if she does not teach you. After all, the teachers deterrence is only short-term effective, long time will only hurt the feelings of teachers and children, will also arouse childrens opposition to parents.
Therefore, please do not use teachers to deter children, try to adjust the educational methods skillfully, seriously understand and listen to childrens demands, the above three methods, next time please try!
[For more in-depth and interesting parenting content, you are welcome to search for the public number Parents Meeting.)
Source of this article: What is the responsible editor of the Parent Meeting: Yue Minghan_NBJS9314