This data comes from the Report on the Living Conditions of Chinese Women (2017) published by the Social Sciences Literature Publishing House.
At this time, if the partner is willing to help share some housework, and they work together, the problem will naturally be solved. On the contrary, if a partner turns a blind eye to it, or if they disagree on the criteria for allocating housework, conflicts can easily arise.
So how to deal with it? Lets start with the attitude towards housework.
Housework is not a compulsory work, it is a valuable work.
We shouldnt take it for granted that our partners pay for their housework.
Suppose we spent an hour cooking a table and expecting our husband to have dinner with him after work. As a result, he sat down to eat and went to play with his mobile phone. Without a word of evaluation or appreciation, would you feel very disappointed and busy?
If the value of housework is not recognized, we will have more and more conflicting feelings. Similarly, if we want our husband to share more housework, we can try to praise him more.
Ive had a case where Xiaowei wanted her husband to take the air conditioner apart and clean it, but no matter how much she reminded him, he was indifferent. A month later, Xiaowei became more and more angry, so she had a quarrel with her husband.
Are you sure he knows that cleaning the air conditioner is an important thing you need him to do? I asked her.
She said, Im sure!
Me: Your husband is a lazy person at home?
Me: My advice is, from now on, dont mention washing the air conditioner. Next time your husband will do anything for you, you will give him a verbal compliment. For example, thank you for helping me wash the dishes, but dont say, go and wash the dishes quickly.
Although doing housework is not for the sake of being appreciated, people are unwilling to do things that are hard to please. Acknowledging each others efforts and giving more encouragement can increase each others enthusiasm to do housework.
Consistent standards for housework
For example, if a husband accuses his wife of not cleaning cleanly enough, he will make his wife feel very wronged.
For example, the husband wants to brush his cell phone and wash the dishes after dinner, but the wife may complain that the husband sat and did not work when he was full, and so on.
Therefore, it is necessary for couples to agree on housework standards, rather than using their own standards to demand each other.
If the husband feels that his wife is not clean, he can bring it up, but he should not accuse the other party of not cleaning carefully. Sometimes husbands want to delay doing housework. We can try to relax our hearts and give him more understanding.
In housework, both husband and wife can give each other more tolerance and less demands. Dont let housework become the fuse of marital conflict. Just like one of the episodes of Happiness Trio, health-loving Jiang Qin tried to do housework all at once after dinner, but Chen Jianbin was lazy and unwilling. As soon as they came and went, they became confused.
Wife wants to keep the house visually clean all the time, so things should be cleaned up immediately. But the husband pays more attention to feeling comfortable, so he wants to take a rest and do it again. This is the typical contradiction of inconsistent housework standards.
Housework is important, but not marital affection.
Husband has been working at home for the weekend. Xiaoli reminded him twice to do the dishes. Husband said he was busy before doing them. The third time Xiaoli finally couldnt help but say to her husband, Go and wash your dishes, its your responsibility! This made her husband very angry. It was generally acknowledged that Xiaoli had delimited her responsibilities too clearly and did not appreciate her busy work at all.
Lets not discuss whos right and whos wrong. This example needs our attention. When dealing with housework, we should pay attention to the feelings of the other party.
If Xiao Li only says to her husband, Then remember to wash the dishes when you are busy, they can avoid a quarrel.
Nothing is more important than the feelings of a couple.
Understanding the attitude towards housework, then, who should do housework? Or how to allocate it? The following suggestions can be consulted:
1) It is necessary to divide the scope of household responsibilities (but it should be noted that the scope of this division is only a reminder to both sides, not absolute).
Husband and wife can list together the housework they think they want to accomplish, the frequency of housework, and the time-consuming on a table. The format can be referred to in the following table:
If there is still a lot left, it can take turns to arrange a housework for each other until the distribution is complete (for example, the wife allocates dishes to the husband, the husband allocates cooking to the wife), so that a housework schedule can be obtained.
2) Everyone should take the initiative to do housework that can be done conveniently.
For example, if the kitchen stove is dirty, it will be wiped clean by the way, and the garbage will be dumped by the way when you go out.
Some very trivial things are also in the scope of household chores, but it is difficult to divide them into so detailed that it takes tens of seconds to deal with them, so those things should be dealt with by whoever meets whoever.
3) It is impossible to divide housework perfectly. In special circumstances, we should learn to deal with it flexibly.
For example, this week because the husband is busy with work, the wife is willing to take on more laundry work; the wifes physiological period is uncomfortable, the husband is willing to cook for the wife and so on, these are warm moments.
4) Provide convenience for housework and make it as electrified as possible. I have a friend who bought a washing machine, a floor sweeping robot, a dishwasher, a kitchen waste crusher and other electrical appliances at home, which greatly reduced the time spent doing housework.
There are many reasons for not doing housework, but there are not many reasons for doing housework. Willing to do housework is not because of low income, not to please each other, but because it is our home, we need to take care of each other.
Author | Senior Consultant of Li Yaobin Flower Town