Female, 36 years old, 166 cm, 53 kg, the annual salary of teachers in the system is 100,000.
In the past six months, because of the problem of capital turnover, he fell into a very frequent state of anxiety. As a partner, I felt that I could not help him. He would hide himself and would not come out to communicate until he recovered.
At this time, I should do something to help him bear a little, or I dont know how my wife can help him through the difficult situation without dragging him behind.
Cold love: How do you think you can help him bear it?
Ya (pseudonym): What I have learned is that I dont want to have any problems and make a good job of my family. But he will still avoid for a long time, will lock himself up, will be angry, he will be very uncomfortable.
Cold love: So you really want to know how to help him bear the problem? Or is his avoidance painful to you?
Cold love: My question is: In fact, you have elaborated a plan, this plan is that you take care of all these, do not drag his hind legs, that is to help him, right?
Ya: Thats my own understanding. And maybe the reason why I came here is because I used to do very little for my family, or I dont know where the gap between me and other peoples wives is.
Cold love: You are comparing with others.
Ya: But I saw that he was very painful. I was very sad. I loved him very much.
Cold love: So what do you want to do for him, or do you want to do for your inner pain?
Ya: I hope he gets better. I hope his energy comes back to me. I may have been undertaking less. Thats what Ive been doing all the time.
Cold love: What do you do to bring his energy back to him? Did you deprive him of his energy?
Cold love: So what can you do to get his energy back on him?
Ya: For example, I havent played a major role in making money before. Can I do something about it? He will feel that...
Cold love: Did you talk to him about that?
I want to give you a response mainly from the two levels of communication and emotion:
First, respond emotionally.
We humans, as mammals, must first understand that all mammals transmit the most basic emotions as we do.
So when you see your husband and feel that he is very anxious, it is normal for you to be anxious, which means that you are a normal person. If you are indifferent at this time, I will feel sorry for you instead.
We have to accept that there is nothing worth doing for our inner anxiety, anxiety and pain, because it is normal.
The second response is: Anxiety returns to anxiety and anxiety returns to anxiety. What should we do?
There are two ways.
The first way is, when the other side avoids talking about it, dont drag him to talk about it.
Dont hold on to each other: Husband, come and talk to me about your pain.
If the other party is in a state of avoidance, dont pull him, let him stay for a while.
Another situation is that the other party is willing to talk. In this case, we should pay attention to the premise of taking good care of each others self-esteem, we can do this, you can say:
Husband, you have made a great contribution to this family in the past. I see it and I am grateful that you have done a great job in the past. You have always been the pillar of our family and very important. Compared with you, I feel very ashamed. I feel like I have not paid so much for this family. Now I want to get you. Allow me, give me a chance, I want to do something for this family, husband, do you think you can?
I think if hes a rational person and if he wants to, you can do something, like do a business.
But the premise is to get the permission and support of your partner, otherwise it may be another blow to him at this time.
Because he is an evasive person, you rush to do something without the understanding, support and consent of the other party. Maybe from his point of view, it will become: you despise me.
It is a flow of goodwill and love, so let him know that it is a love.
Sometimes, at least without dragging your feet, if you try to do something, you do contribute to the family, or if you try hard, you dont make much contribution. But you find that the other party still seems unable to cheer up, there will be such a possibility.
You know, this is his lesson in life.
Husband and wife are the same birds, but they have to do their homework separately. As a husband and wife, you have a close connection, there are some obstacles to each other, but you can not teach for each other, you can invite him to a class, but you can never force him to go, let alone do it for him.
All the fluctuations he encounters in the wealth of his life are the price he pays, and if you pay for him, or if you do the work for him, he will fail in the next exam. You jumped the pit for him, and he had to jump for himself in the next pit.
So let the master of this lesson do the lesson in life. We will look at him, support him and understand him. This is the best love you can give him.
Ya: Thank you, Lengda. Im so touched. I think its a great value for me. In fact, in the past six months, my heart is very depressed, but I really dont know what I want to do.
Cold love: I told you what to do, and thank you for seeing me.
There are many such encounters in life, just like before tonight, you didnt know that there would be such an arrangement today, and I dont know.
So there are such touching moments, not just for me, but also for you to create this field together. You have also given her support. Thank you.
Illustration | Shenzhen, Visual Designer of Huazhen
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