But it doesnt seem right. Her expression and tone are so dignified when she speaks. Its not like she just sprinkles dog food. Keep listening.
I feel very lucky to meet such a friend. But something happened recently, which bothered me a lot.
He said I was his goddess. He liked me from school. At that time, we didnt meet. I had a circle of friends and I didnt notice him at all. He was also very upset, but he never dared to express anything to me. Later, after graduation and marriage, he suddenly found my contact information from his friends, which made him reconnect with me.
Now he says he wants to be with me. He promises to treat me well. I trust him, but Im so worried. I dont know what to do.
She said, Even if we fall in love like a couple, he will keep his marriage unchanged.
I am also troubled, I have been with him for so long, such company makes me very happy, but also feel at ease, I found that I seem to have slowly felt for him, I think I can not do without him now. He is a very honest man, very disciplined, and very responsible for his family. I am afraid that I will be more and more inseparable from him when I am with him, and the demand for him will be higher and higher, which will affect our relationship.
It can be seen that Xiao Lin is very satisfied with and recognizes her pursuer. It was Xiao Lins good comments on the married man that attracted my attention.
I asked again, If you were his wife now, would you still think he was an honest, well-behaved man who was responsible for his family?
Today, instead of discussing Xiao Lins predicament or judging the relationship, I want to talk about whether we have the same misunderstanding about the world we believe in everyday.
It is often said that a woman who falls in love has a negative IQ of zero.
In my opinion, rather than saying that women really become fools after entering a relationship, women of this type prefer to believe that the other half of the relationship is full of all kinds of good qualities, such as sincerity, responsibility, kindness, trustworthiness, reliability and ability to shoulder our expectations.
When we first started dating, he came to pick me up and take me to work every day. It rained the night before yesterday. I didnt bring my umbrella. He told me that he was having dinner with friends and letting me take a taxi by myself. I think he doesnt love me anymore.
My goddess recently took the initiative to send me a message, I want to ask me out on vacation, I am really happy to fly, but my girlfriend said that my goddess is not very good, and dont go out with men casually for the night, she is so disappointed, but the teacher, I want to go.
Every time I hear such a story, I cant help feeling sad. These visitors should be very ambivalent, on the one hand, their imagination, on the other hand, vaguely feel that things will not be as they wish, but it is difficult to find out where the problem is.
As a result, a little accident happened the other day. When I went out, I forgot to bring my key. So the landlord gave me a phone call from the unlocking master. I thought the master would come from far away and be ready to wait. Unexpectedly, the Master arrived in a few minutes, and then told me in surprise on my face that her shop was on the street I had to walk through every day.
Yes, its always there, but I chose to ignore it. Now I see it passively, but when I see it, I know more about the street I live in.
In fact, with people, the same is true. You should have had moments like this when you suddenly noticed a trait in TA that you had never seen before, and then you would have a feeling of actually I dont know this person.
From a psychological point of view, this part of invisibility usually occurs when we dont know it. Our brain is like a huge receiver, receiving a lot of information from outside every day, but not all information can be noticed by us.
At this time, the brain will have a special area to deal with the things that enter our brain every day, select the parts we are most interested in, and present them to our consciousness. Its a bit like the shopping platforms we usually visit. Their backstage will help us screen out the items that might be interesting according to our usual browsing habits, and then display them on the home page.
But do they only have the goods on the front page? No These online shopping platforms have tens of thousands of goods, which do not show on the home page does not mean they do not exist, but the background feels that we are not interested in them.
It sounds terrible. There are so many things that we cant see but actually exist. But theres no need to worry too much. This type of information will not disappear, as long as we practice a little and avoid focusing on a certain type of information, we can basically avoid the blind dilemma.
Because our brain is super smart, it will have a defense system to protect us, in the process of screening information will automatically select keywords sent to us, blind is usually through our acquiescence, we pay a little more attention, you can see more important objective information.
Like Xiao Lin in the story, when she is immersed in this relationship, it will be easier to notice the advantages of boys, and selectively turn a blind eye to other information, this process is happening inadvertently.
When we mentioned this in our consultation, she turned her attention back to the point she had never noticed before. The rationalized film broke at the first touch, and she immediately saw what she had not noticed before.
If you want to look at something more objectively, first of all, you have to be clear about one thing, that is, most of the time my judgment is subjective, not necessarily able to conclude the whole thing. When we hold this mentality, we can detect more information and reduce misjudgments.
Its a bit like having the habit of checking again after we finish our work.
For example, I always think my boyfriend is a very caring person, he also told me that he can take care of himself, I just need to take care of myself, not let him worry too much.
At this point, I take it for granted that he can take good care of himself, and I dont need to care about him very much, so in the relationship I become more concerned about whether I am taken care of.
But gradually, I will vaguely feel that sometimes ask him to take care of me, he will be unhappy, but do not know what happened. In fact, this dimly felt that he was unhappy is a signal that I should pay attention to.
I may be too accustomed to the idea that he can take care of himself without my concern. In fact, he wants me to take care of him, but he just doesnt know how to express it.
Find someone you trust, either a consultant or a friend who knows you better. Describe your views on something or relationship to them, and ask for feedback to see if they can help you find details you havent noticed.
As long as we dare to question ourselves, are willing to perceive the inconsistency with our habitual imagination, and admit that it will not change because of your imagination, you have the opportunity to be closer to reality. Closer to reality is often one of the cornerstones of our long-term love or relationship.
Author | Gong Hui holds a three-level Consultant Certificate issued by the state
Illustration | Shenzhen, Flower Town Emotional Visual Designer